Between the Lines of Care

As I sit here in the Air Canada lounge with my husband and daughter, awaiting our flight to Mexico for a little rest and relaxation, I can’t help but think about the lengths to which I have grown.

There was a time in my career when I ate, breathed, and dreamed about work and the ways in which I was going to change the world. I had a hard time leaving it behind, worrying that something might happen in my absence. I’ve spent years showing up for others in moments that mattered, and I’m learning it’s okay to show up for myself, too. What I’ve learned over time is that life goes on without you. People make choices every day that sometimes lead to unfortunate outcomes, and your being there to witness it or pick up the pieces isn’t your responsibility.

People sometimes show up just before the end of my shift requesting wound care, and plenty of times I have had to stand firm in my boundaries and ask them to return the following day during clinic hours. And you know what? No one died because of it. After holding that boundary enough times, it starts happening less and less, and people come during clinic hours.

I have found that the more firm I have become in my boundaries, the more I’m able to truly show up for people. Finding balance and choosing myself and my family has allowed me to experience a kind of peace I don’t recall ever having.

I still see so many of my colleagues who haven’t figured this out yet, they are tired and miserable much of the time.

This work is fucking hard.

It’s heartbreaking.

And if you’re in it for the long haul and don’t want to spend your time at work burned out and complaining, then you need to let go and accept that other people’s choices aren’t your responsibility. While there are definitely exceptions to this, for the most part, we can’t do more for people than they are willing to do for themselves.

So I will spend this week soaking up every second with my beautiful family, knowing that when I return, there will likely have been losses to grieve, wounds that have worsened, and appointments that were missed, but that is part of life.

Peace and love to all of my colleagues. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, you deserve it.